Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
