Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
