Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
