I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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