im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
