Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
