Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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