ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
