I feel like I'm in dance class right now
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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