life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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