Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
