Where is the hickey?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
