hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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