I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
