I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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