I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
