remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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