Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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