so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
