yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
