To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
