Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
