Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i came on her dog
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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