If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
