the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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