we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
