Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
