Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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