And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
