after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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