Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize