return my video game
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Randomize
