booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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