so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think i have two assholes
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
