I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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