I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
