did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
