My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't turn off my feet"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
