So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
