By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
