he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
