I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
