Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
