I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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