Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
