Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
