I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
