I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
