I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Houston, we have a squirter
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
