Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
