like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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