Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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