i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
