The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
